Like most times in my life, I find myself lost in thought about the many things that make me who I am. All the special interests I’ve picked up over the years, many of which have come and gone. But at least one of them has stayed: my ever present love for Astro Boy. So, I thought, as I turn a year older, I would talk a bit about what’s brought me here today as an AB fan, and get a little introspective.

It’s funny when I mention my beginnings as a fan because I wasn’t initially much of a fan at all. I remember coming off the heels of what was arguably the most confusing time of my life: my parent’s divorce, and being relegated to only seeing my dad a couple of times a week. In October, one of those days was spent heading to the local movie theater to watch the 2009 movie. Before this, I had no exposure to AB. But if my memory serves me right, I think our whole reason for going had more to do with my dad’s nostalgia for (presumably) the 80s series than anything else.

Again, there wasn’t anything that stood out to me in particular about the film. But I should say for the record, if you read my first-ever blog post here wherein I reviewed the 09 movie, you’ll know it’s grown on me quite a bit. Not to the point where I would ever consider it a favorite of mines, but certainly enough to respect it for what it was, and what it served in my journey as an AB fan. No matter what I think about the film now, or what I thought about it back then, it was truly at the time my only exposure to the franchise.

So, I leave the film and think it’s okay, I move on with my life and sink my teeth in other things. But my brother, on the other hand, seems to like this far more than I probably thought I ever would. I mean the amount of AB merch that had come out at the time! You had the toys at McDonald’s, I believe some toys at Toys-R-Us… I mean the movie bombed, don’t get me wrong, but for a split second, I was seeing AB everywhere in my house, and it was a nonstop talking point between us and my dad. I have to give him credit, though, if it weren’t for his persistence in finding out more about the franchise, I might’ve just shrugged at the movie and called it a day. But sadly, when I say “he found out more about the franchise” I really mean is “he saw YTPs of the 80s series on YouTube.”

Speaking of the 80s series, this is actually where his door closes, and mines opens up just ever so slightly to test the waters. I can’t say exactly how it all panned out because my memory is far too spotty for that. But, to make a long story short, I found myself curious about the AB world again and, after having seen the 80s series, I wanted to give it another try. Now, at the time, there wasn’t really any “way” in and of itself to watch the 80s series, unless you owned physical media. It was a weird time because streaming was in this sort of infancy stage where nobody pirated anything because Netflix was king. But if you wanted anime… well… you’d have to watch every episode in 3 parts on YouTube like everyone else, bud.

Funny enough, during that endeavor, I managed to watch just about every 80s episode, and I have not seen the 80s series since. I’m not sure when I’m going to break the streak and rewatch it, but I see it as more of an internal joke that I perpetually keep up for the lolz. At the time, though, my reasoning for not going back was actually because the channel I was watching from got taken down, and nobody else seemed to have an archive. Certainly though in the year of our lord 2022, where even the 60s series can be watched on streaming services, I think I’m just purposely skipping out.

That was back in 2012, a year later, I had an exposure to something a little different. You see at the time, I was in 6th grade, and I had a homeroom teacher who was a stickler for us reading during homeroom time. Now, when I was younger, I did read a lot, but by 6th grade I had mostly stopped (probably due to IRL stuff, but who knows?). So, I was basically relegated to reading almost anything from way back when that I could get my hands on at home. In comes my local library to the rescue! When I went over there for the first time, I was curious as to what the odds would be that any Manga volume was there. And luck be damned, I found a couple at the last minute. Now, I didn’t want to completely suck them dry of their manga supply, so I only checked out 2. But I soon realized that was a bad idea, since it turned out that I read graphic novels at lightning speed. I finished both of them rather quickly and had to read them over and over again for both homeroom and during P.E. attendance for a few weeks.

Briefly, I’ll talk about how I got into the 03 series. Initially, the 03 series was available on Netflix, and despite my initial thoughts on its art style, I decided to give it a try. Again, I wasn’t thinking too much of it at the time, but after the 2nd re-watch, I was sold. And when I mean sold, I mean I dropped every other rendition for that one. I also mean when I refer to or speak of anything AB related, I am 10 times out of 10 talking about the 03 English dub, and nothing else (except any of my fan fics or AUs). Nowadays, though, when I want to watch the 03 series, I have the dubbed version on DVDs that I’ve backed up digitally onto an external drive, so I just plug the drive in and go from there. This is also where I get all my screenshots for edits, and for my screenshot archive.

You’ll notice that for the most part, I’ve been talking about more IRL events rather than online stuff. And that’s mostly because me becoming the AB fan I am today didn’t really kick into gear until around 2015/2016-ish when I joined Tumblr. But before that, I did something a little similar… I wrote fan fiction. Or rather, my now partner and I did. But before she jumped on board, it was just me. Again, with no one to look after me or express any concern, I found myself on FFN reading… well… let’s just say… things someone at the age of 12… probably shouldn’t have. I read plenty of problematic works by problematic writers, and it inspired me to want to give it a try myself. After all, I did like writing— though like reading, I did give it up. I think at that point; however, I was so enamored and inspired, I let it all go and just jumped right into it.

The first fic I wrote, “Zoran vs. Uran,” served (technically) as the starting point to what would become my fan fic series Vivid Insomnia. But at the time was an arguably silly fic that never got finished because even past Sage knew it was horrible. The basic premise was based on the fact that in the 03 dub, Uran’s name was changed to Zoran, but I thought it would be interesting to write a fic in which Uran and Zoran are 2 separate characters. So, the plot basically surrounds Tenma creating Zoran and sending her off to live with O’shay. It was called “Zoran vs. Uran” (simply) because the “major bombshell” to be revealed was that Zoran and Astro are related (a shocker, I know /s). So, apparently Astro was supposed to finally gave a shit about her, which pisses Uran off and makes her incredibly jealous (something we can all relate to, I’m sure /s). Therefore, as a result, Uran and Zoran were gonna duke it out WWE style.

I legitimately have no words.

I’ll spare you all the tiny details, and move on to the short stories I did. After attempting to write a couple of fics and letting my anxiety consume me, I took a break from writing for a while, but found a way back in through writing short stories. Again, if V.I. was clay, then these short stories were helping it be molded into the shape it was set to become. Some of this information does overlap with my last post, so if you would like to learn more about the fan fictions I’ve written, you can check that out. The only thing you need to know is that after those short stories, I wrote my first long fiction in a while, called “Astro, Oh Astro, Where Did You Go?” It was by far my most em tonally gruesome fic at the time. It really paved the way for where I wanted to take V.I. and I think ultimately made me realize that I like writing about the emotional and mental perils of life, and what it takes to dig oneself out.

The entire premise was that after sleeping over at a friend’s house, Astro decides to run away, leaving everyone to wonder where they went. By modern standards, this fic is a hot steaming plate of garbage, but at the time it was (again) the deepest thing I had ever written. Mostly with Astro’s portrayal-—I know many associate them with being childish and happy-go-lucky, and I do still agree with that sentiment. But during that fic, and certainly now, I find myself seeing them as a much sadder character. I won’t get into why exactly right now, so we’ll leave it at that. But in this fic, it should be noted that Astro’s entire persona surrounded how utterly depressed they were.

Moving on from fan fictions, I’m a freshman in high school who just left Google + because Tumblr lets you customize your desktop blog, and G+ doesn’t. This is also around the time that I had given up on my dream of being an animator because I would’ve honestly rather shot myself in the foot than do any sort of sketchbook doodle ever. You’ll notice I haven’t spoken about any fan art  I’ve done, and that’s mostly because I feel it would be pointless, since it didn’t lead to anything but heartache and irrational anger on my part. Instead, I decided to be a graphic designer because at the time, I liked downloading fonts from dafont.com and making fan works for Vivid Insomnia in a way that didn’t involve drawing. Funny how everything that makes me a modern-day AB fan comes back more to V.I. than anything else… haha.

So with my Shadows Into The Light II, and Bebas Neue, I slapped the worlds #edgiest quotes (or song lyrics!) onto 03 series screenshots in Photoshop. And that’s basically how my design hobby (as it pertains to AB) started. I dabbled in other mediums, like videos and GIFs, but I would wager that today, design is my strongest suit, and it’s what I do the most of.

Years went by, I wrote more, designed more, started uploading videos a tiny bit more. And since I want to keep this post lighthearted and less focused on psychoanalyzing myself, we’re going to skip over the many times I said something stupid and let my jealousy and low emotional intelligence get the best of me. Let’s just say… I learned a bit more about my place as a fan in this fandom, and also how not to interact with people, basically.

By the time I graduated from high school, I was ready to move on from this fandom, actually. Impostor syndrome ever so fragrant, I thought “AB isn’t serious?! I need to be serious now! I’m a real designer!” So, I gave it up for exactly a couple of months before I went back to my shipping retro bullshit, and before I knew it, I was essentially back where I started: An Astro Boy Fan on Tungle Dot Org. It was at this point though that I realized, if I wasn’t going to quit being in the AB fandom, the least I can do is polish myself up a bit. I haven’t mentioned any of my past usernames, but when this was all happening, I was Astro.png- a name I made as an inside joke because I export all of my static designs as PNGs. When I decided to “get serious”, I changed my name to Astorinx (yes, ASTORinx, not ASTROrinx, common mistake, I understand). This coincided with the change of my main design brand to Thylio Design, and also a personal change of name too (don’t you just love when your personal branding finally catches up to your gender changes too?)

Here, to close this out, I can finally touch on my “Astro is a sad character” point I was making earlier. Originally, when I switched to being Astorinx, I hadn’t intended for the blog to take a mental health/psychology skew topic wise. You’ll notice a lot of my works throughout the years have mostly been observational. I am simply making works based on how I interpret Astro’s character. But even then, as I look back, I realize that even then, my works weren’t taking place within canon. Rather, they were post canon. Because I’ve always found myself to think and believe that while Astro canonically was quite happy-go-lucky, their circumstances and life events told an entirely different story. No matter what you assume, at some point, you’re bound to realize that those events and whatnot, are going to catch up to them. I think in my personal quest to learn more about myself through the world of psychology, it has led me to look into the minds of some of these characters to ask an ample number of questions: What does it look like when this character is at their best? What does it take to get there? Or what about their worst— where are their faults, and why?

As time went on, I started to embrace a story line that was beginning to come about in my works, most exemplified by my “I Need To Forgive My Inner Child And Tell Them It’s Okay” piece. The story is this: Astro is an older and wiser adult whom, after going through and making great strides in therapy, looks back at the actions/thoughts/feelings of their younger self. Contrary to feeling regret, anger, or embarrassment for whom they once were, they look at their younger self with an immense sense of compassion. Like a warm blanket on a frigid night, they give their younger self a hug and say, “It’s okay. I totally get you, and I wish you well.”

Though not all of my works fit this narrative, especially when I make designs for characters besides Astro, for the most part, you can assume in some way, shape, or form, it’s relevant. What I’ve also realized, too, is that there’s a lot of people who find solace in my designs messaging. I recently even got asked to do a design supporting neurodivergency! While I will never claim to be a psych or mental health expert in any way unless or until I get an actual degree, it does make me happy that people are taking to my works in such a way. Over the years, I’ve become such a proponent for seeing people be the best version of themselves as possible. And while I wasn’t initially intending for my posts to be for the masses (thematically speaking), I’m glad Astro’s introspection’s about who they were canonically have helped others do some reflecting of their own.

So, that’s now, but what’s next? Well, as I mentioned in my fan fiction post, I still have a lot more to write. And of course, I will always have plenty to design, even if there are considerable breaks in between due to burnout. In terms of videos, I have a few AMV ideas cooking currently, it’s just a matter of when I’m going to shake off the nerves and get started on them. I also still plan to run the AstroBoyFanWorks blog and its Discord server companion for as long as possible. I think when I look back at just how long it’s been- I mean 11 years is so wild! It’s almost unbelievable! But, I find myself in a place where I’m just happy to be here. I could go on and lament about so many things, but the truth of the matter is that after this many years, you either shit or get off the pot, as they say. You don’t second guess, you don’t make assumptions, you decide: Am I going to stick around for at least another year? And personally, I think yes.

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